While There is Me and You
by Princess Tyler Briefs
Summary: Reggie's Slash 100 fic. 100 short KakaIru fics with different themes. [Current Update:93. BreakUp and 28. Touch. 7 of 100]
1. If

**A/N:** I'm doing the Slash 100. Whoo! Be excited all of you. Anyway, this is the first one and I hope you all enjoy it. Note that while these are all going to be under the same fic, they are not related in anyway. They're just a bunch of one-shots for the same challenge.

Special thanks to **_Karuka Ikashi_** for beta-ing this for me. 'Ashi-chan is the best!

**Disclaimer:** And Reggie said "I own them not", and it was so.

**Title:** While There is Me and You

_Theme 55: If_

Iruka put down the stack of essays he was grading on his chest, sighing and closing his eyes as he relaxed fully on Kakashi's comfortable couch. He could hear the heavy breathing of Kakashi's largest nin dog not to far away from him; he could smell whatever it was Kakashi had cooking in the kitchen, and he could feel the winter sunshine falling across his face from the open window. All in all, he was quite comfortable relaxing for the weekend in his boyfriend's apartment.

The chuunin sighed again, lingering happily in the place where one almost loses awareness of the world around him except for a few small sensations, but still not quite asleep yet. He was unaware of the Jounin leaning against the doorframe, watching him with a small smile on his face.

It still seemed surreal to Kakashi that Iruka had agreed to go on one date with him, never mind be his only precious one. They'd been dating for a year already, and the Copy-ninja was certain that the day this felt real would be the end of it- because right then he would have started taking Iruka for granted, and he never wanted that to happen.

The Jounin walked over and sat on the end of the couch, spatula still in his hand but forgotten. Iruka's hair was beginning to fall loose from its ponytail, a few wispy strands landing across a smooth scarred cheek. For a moment, Kakashi debating brushing them away, but decided he wanted to imprint the picture as it was in his mind forever and instead lifted his forehead protector.

Lately, missions had become more difficult and darker. They were becoming like the missions from his childhood during the war, where death was who you were and it was so easy to forget everything you had once believed in. Lately, it had been the memories of Iruka that he treasured that had gotten him through the hardest missions. Memories to keep him company, to warm him during the freezing nights. The more he had to draw on, the happier Kakashi would be.

"Mhm, 'Kashi?" Iruka mumbled sleepily, not quite opening his eyes.

"Hm?"

Iruka's eyes slowly fluttered halfway open to look at him sleepily. "If I ever had to leave, would you forget me?"

"What?" Kakashi blinked several times in confusion. Where had that come from?

Iruka's eyes were open now, not even looking tired. "If I ever had to leave- if a mission went too long or something- would you forget me?"

"I…" Kakashi had never thought about not having Iruka before, and in truth, didn't want to start now. "Iruka, what's all this about?"

The chuunin looked away from him, to the dog sleeping on the floor. "I don't know. I was just thinking how much I wanted to stay just like this forever, but we never can. Someday, something will happen to one of us, and it will all end. And even if we somehow get impossibly lucky, we'll still get old and drift apart, or die then. It can't be forever, and I want to know if you would forget me."

Kakashi sighed, resting the spatula against his chin without even thinking about it. "I couldn't forget you. I wouldn't want to forget you, ever."

"What if I asked you to?"

"I still couldn't," Kakashi said, adding to himself, 'and it's more than just remembering with my Sharingan. I'll never forget those that leave, no matter how much it hurts, because then they'd truly be gone. I can't lose them all twice.'

"Would you move on?"

"I would still keep living, if that's what you mean."

"Promise?"

"Yes." Suicide was a coward's way out, and he refused to be a coward when he had yet to forgive his father for being one.

"Okay then."

Iruka closed his eyes once more, letting his head slump against the armrest of the couch.

Kakashi remained sitting, frowning at the low table before him. Iruka was right. Someday, one way or another, this was going to end. If Iruka didn't break up with him- something Kakashi prayed for every night even though he'd lost his belief in God long ago- then eventually one of them was going to die.

If Iruka were to leave him like that…it would be another name on the stone. Someone else to visit everyday, and curse yourself for never telling them sooner all the things you wanted to say but got stuck before you could.

Things like you're my best friend. You matter to me. Thank you. I love you.

He had too many words still stuck in his throat right now. Things he'd always meant to tell Obito, and his sensei, and Rin. Things he wished he'd said to his father. He'd always thought, then, that there would be more time to say them.

Sooner or later, though, time always ran out. It would, sometime, run out here.

But not just yet. Today, there was still time to tell Iruka all the things he couldn't find words for right now. Time enough for the two of them.

"Hey, 'Ruka?"

"Yeah?"

"If you die before me," Kakashi looked up again now to see the two curious eyes staring back at him, "promise me you'll save a place for me?"

Iruka smiled at him before sitting up. He leaned forward and kissed the Jounin slowly, pressing their mouths together in warm bliss before pulling back and using his thumb to remove the dough the spatula had left on Kakashi's chin with his thumb. "Only if you'll promise the same for me."

"I'd have to get to heaven, first, and I don't think I can find it without you there to guide me."

The chuunin pushed back Kakashi's bangs and kissed his forehead, "then we'll just have to go together, won't we?"

"If we can, Iruka-kun, I would like that very much."


	2. Birthday

**A/N:** Because my Yami requested I do something funny and embarrassing and this is what I came up with.

_Theme 56: Birthday_

Naruto, Kiba, and Shikamaru watched from their bench, sipping iced lemonades, as Iruka approached the door of the book store across the street. The chuunin reached for the handle, and then turned around to walk away- only to come back a moment later.

"How long has he been going now?" Kiba asked, holding out his lemonade for Akamaru to taste.

"We're getting close to an hour," Shikamaru supplied between lazy licks.

"What do you think he's doing anyway?"

"It probably has something to do with Kakashi-sensei," Naruto supplied darkly. Kiba and Shikamaru rolled their eyes.

"I'm telling you, Naruto, they aren't dating so give it a rest already," Kiba sighed, and Akamaru yipped his agreement.

"They are, they are! I saw it!"

"You saw them eating ramen together," Shikamaru sighed. "That doesn't prove anything."

"Yes it does! Iruka-sensei doesn't eat ramen with just anybody. It has to be someone he really loves."

"He eats ramen with you," Kiba supplied helpfully, licking his sticky fingers.

"Exactly. Iruka-sensei cares about me. He told me so."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he only eats ramen with people he cares about."

"He does! I'll prove it to you!" Naruto got excitedly to his feet, wolfing down the last of his treat. Kiba quickly followed his example, much to Akamaru's displeasure, as Shikamaru followed them and marveled that they didn't get brain freezes.

"Oi! Iruka-sensei!" Naruto yelled, running up to the teacher with a grin on his face.

"Ah, Naruto," Iruka turned to face the boy, looking guilty and blushing terribly. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at this, but decided not to comment. "Kiba-kun. Shikamaru-kun."

"Good afternoon, Iruka-sensei," Shikamaru said, finishing off the very last of his ice by way of greeting.

"What are you doing, Iruka-sensei?" Kiba asked curiously, eyeing the teacher up and down.

Iruka laughed nervously, seemingly unaware that the more uncomfortable he acted, the more curious the boys became. "I was just going in to the book store. I need to pick up a few things for my classes…"

"Great! We needed some new comics, didn't we, Naruto?" Kiba supplied enthusiastically. Naruto stared at him blankly, but this went mostly unnoticed.

"And I need a grade book for the stuff I have to do as well," Shikamaru said, walking to the door and opening it. "After you, Iruka-sensei."

The older chuunin definitely looked hot and bothered now as he looked around wildly for an excuse to leave. Finding none, he could only smile kindly at the boy holding the door as he walked inside, "thank you, Shikamaru-kun."

"I thought we were going to ask him if he liked Kakashi-sensei," Naruto complained quietly to the other two boys.

"We are," Kiba said, picking up Akamaru and hiding him in his jacket. "After we find out why he REALLY doesn't want to be in here."

The three boys walked inside, all three glancing around for anything out of the ordinary. There was nothing they could see different about the book store, and Iruka-sensei was truly looking through the school books as he said he would.

Kiba shrugged, and Shikamaru nodded. The chuunin started off toward their former teacher while Kiba put his hand over Naruto's mouth and dragged him behind a shelf to watch.

"Are there any good books, Iruka-sensei?" Shikamaru asked, looking up carelessly at the shelves of textbooks. He mentally sighed. Having friends was so troublesome.

"Ah," Iruka said, blushing slightly and his glancing back toward the back of the store. "These are exactly what I need for my class. I'm glad I came in here today; it looks like they were just stalked. By tomorrow they'll all be gone."

Shikamaru glanced at the book's title. Flower arrangement for beginners? Somehow, he doubted that book was in high demand for anyone but Suzume-sensei. "It must be a really great book."

Again, Iruka's brown eyes darted to the back of the store. "Ah, it is. No other book is as useful or…um…educational?"

Shikamaru eyes turned toward where Iruka's had been when the teacher looked away again. He was nearly blinded by a blazing orange display.

Curse his curiosity, but now he HAD to know what Iruka-sensei was up to.

Shikamaru picked up one of the grade books and walked over to Naruto and Kiba's hiding place. "Naruto, make some shadow clones and make it look like we're leaving the store. Make sure you tell Iruka-sensei good bye."

"Why?"

"Because whatever he's doing, he won't do it while he knows we're here."

Naruto frowned, not sure that he liked the idea of spying on Iruka-sensei, but did as he was told. Once the clones had said their cheery good-byes, which Iruka had returned just as cheerfully, and left with the soft jingle of the bell above the door, the teacher made his move.

The three boys watched curiously as he put down the book he'd been holding- Shikamaru was happy to note- and started making his way slowly towards the back of the store. Every so often he would stop and examine a book, but it was never very long and he kept glancing nervously around.

Kiba gaped as they got close enough to read the vibrantly red sign over the display. "The latest volume of Icha Icha is on sale?"

"What's Iruka-sensei doing back here?" Naruto asked, blue eyes so round they were showing enough white for him to almost look like a blonde Hyuuga. "He wouldn't read Pervert-sannin's books! He's too good for that!"

"It doesn't look that way," Shikamaru said, pointing as their former teacher looked first right, then left, and then behind him before walking up to the shelf.

He glanced around furtively again, biting his bottom lip, before closing his eyes and grabbing one of the books off the shelf.

Kiba made a noise that was half a yelp of surprise and half a laugh that nearly knocked him over as Shikamaru made a desperate grab for Naruto and missed.

"Iruka-sensei! I can't believe you!"

Iruka jumped so high he probably would have cleared at three Akamaru's stacked on top of each other, dropping the book with a strangled sort of yelp. "Naruto! I thought you left!"

Naruto ignored him, pointing an accusatory finger at his favorite teacher. "I thought you were better than that! I thought Sexy no Jutsu worked on you because I surprised you! I didn't know you were a closet pervert too!"

"No, Naruto, it's not like that," Iruka waved his arms franticly, trying to calm the blond down. Shikamaru glanced around to see all the other customers staring at them as Kiba was laughing so hard it looked painful. This was definitely troublesome.

"I can't believe it, Iruka-sensei! You're supposed to set an example but you read THOSE books."

Shikamaru thought that one was a bit over the top, and muttered so but was ignored.

"Naruto I do…It's just…It's not for me."

Naruto stopped his yelling then to stare at the older man, who was looking at the floor and blushing worse than any of the three boys had ever seen him.

Kiba regained control of himself and sat up. "Not for you?"

Iruka shook his head, his ponytail swishing behind his head. "No, I'm getting it for a birthday present for someone."

"Who?" Kiba asked eagerly. Shikamaru thought the answer was obvious and was already mentally preparing himself for Naruto's round of gloating that was sure to come.

Naruto and Kiba watched in fascination while Iruka bit his lip before sighing out the answer. "I'm buying it for Kakashi-sensei. It's his birthday today and…"

"I knew it! I knew it!" Naruto jumped up and pumped a fist in the air. "I told you! I told you I saw them and they were going out!"

"That doesn't prove anything, Naruto! I'd buy you your favorite book for your…"

"Saw us doing what?" Iruka's strangled yelp drew the attention of all three boys. They couldn't help but stare at the teacher's almost comically large eyes and unhealthily red face.

Kiba started laughing again, choking as he tried to keep it under control, and Shikamaru visibly shook his head to try and rid it of the mental images that came up.

Naruto continued staring in confusion at his role-model, seeming to not understand why the man seemed so upset. "I saw you eating ramen with Kakashi-sensei, and I told them that you only eat ramen with those you love so you had to be dating Kakashi-sensei."

Iruka seemed to regain some of the composure he'd been lacking since the boys first saw him, "not exactly perfect logic, but yes. Kakashi-sensei and I are dating."

Kiba did choke then as Naruto turned to grin at him triumphantly.

"Now, if you'll excuse me," Iruka smiled, bending down to pick up the fallen book, "I need to go pay for this so I can wrap it."

The chuunin sensei walked away triumphantly, leaving in Kiba to try and get his brain to function enough so he could breath properly, Naruto to happily spout 'I told you so' for several hours, and Shikamaru to ponder why Kakashi-sensei would need two copies of that book for his birthday.


	3. Lightening

**A/N:** This one sort of fits in the Pieces universe in that Pieces gives in a little more detail the past I have assigned Iruka in my head- but really all of my stories have Iruka with the same past. It doesn't fit in that some of the details have changed since I started writing Pieces, and this is the bit more accurate version of 'Reggie's Version of Iruka's History'. Does that make sense? I hope it does.

For anyone that was wondering, and there have been a couple of you: I not only don't mind if you use my history for Iruka in your stories- I in fact encourage it. I think it would be wicked cool to be the person to start some major fanon theory. You don't even have to give me credit- although it's very kind of you if you'd do. I'd just REALLY like it if you told me so I can read your stories! That's all.

Kakashi calling Iruka 'Pretty Baby' isn't my idea. That comes from the user theskywasblue on LiveJournal and her Building Blocks Universe. I suggest you go look her up, as her stories are excellent and make the pet name fit and stick so well that you'll never be able to think of Kakashi calling him anything else ever again.

_43. Lightening_

Kakashi blinked as the kitchen was suddenly thrown into darkness. He tensed, waiting for an attack, but instead only got the sound of rain starting to pour outside.

"Power's out," he observed unnecessarily. "A storm must have rolled in."

"No kidding," Pakkun muttered from somewhere down by the Copy-ninja's feet. "Did you figure that out by yourself, genius?"

Kakashi glared down at the pug as lightening lit up his apartment. He and Pakkun both jumped when they heard a yelp and something heavy hitting the floor with a crack and 'thump'.

"That would be your boyfriend," Pakkun supplied helpfully as thunder echoed overhead and this time there was a frightened yell. Kakashi ran towards the door- only to run in to Iruka running the other way. Both men cried out as they crashed to the floor.

Kakashi could hear Pakkun snickering and made a mental note to throttle him as he tried to sit up. The fact that Iruka was clinging almost painfully to his shirt didn't make this task any easier. The Jounin placed his hand on Iruka's head, splaying his fingers around the base of his lover's ponytail. "'Ruka, are you alright?"

"Mhm," came the slightly muffled response, as Iruka's face was buried in Kakashi's chest. "I was just coming to see if you…"

Another flash of lightening, and Iruka was suddenly holding him so tight he couldn't breath.

"Ruka?" Kakashi wheezed, gently trying to loosen the grip on his torso. "What's the matter, pretty baby?"

"I don't…I don't…"

Thunder clapped, louder and closer this time. Iruka actually whimpered, and Kakashi felt his concern jump up a few more notches. Iruka did not whimper. His Iruka was strong, and courageous, and faced deadly mini-ninja everyday without so much as batting an eyelash. Something had badly frightened his beloved, and the Copy-ninja was determined to find out what so that he could make it better.

Having Iruka so distressed was making HIM distressed, and Kakashi didn't like that one bit.

"Ruru, please?"

"Storms. I…I don't like storms."

"That's an understatement," Pakkun muttered, and Kakashi titled his head back enough to glare at the dog with his uncovered eye.

Kakashi sat them both up and managed to pull Iruka away from him a little bit. In the dim light he could see Iruka's eyes were wide with fright as blood trickled down the side of his face.

The Jounin swore softly, gently touching his finger tips to the wound. "How'd you do that, pretty baby?"

"Hit my head on the coffee table when I fell off the couch," Iruka murmured in response. White light illuminated the kitchen, and Iruka cringed, nearly crying in his terror.

Not knowing what else to do, Kakashi gently took his lover in to his arms and easily picked the slightly smaller man up. The Jounin then carried him to his bed, laying him down gently.

"There, there, pretty baby, it's alright. Just sit here a moment while I get the first aid kit, okay?" Kakashi felt rather like he was talking to a child, and while annoyed with himself wasn't sure what else to do. He'd never seen Iruka so upset.

And the chuunin was, childishly, clinging to his hand. "Don't go."

"I'll be right back, I promise. And Pakkun will stay here with you." Kakashi patted the mattress and the little nin-dog obeyed immediately by jumping up onto the bed.

Iruka looked at him before seeming to gather a bit of his composure and nodding. "O-okay then."

Kakashi turned away from Iruka to head towards the bathroom, frowning slightly. Iruka had a phobia of thunderstorms? That was not something he'd been expecting.

True, a lot of really great ninja had phobias of some sort, normally caused by a traumatic experience. Tsunade had her blood phobia, of course, and Kakashi knew for a fact that Ibiki was terrified of fire, even if the torture specialist would never admit it. Neji Hyuuga still freaked out at even the tiniest spider.

What could be so traumatic about a thunderstorm though, to trigger such a strong response in someone normally so collected?

He'd just grabbed the kit- and a flashlight- when the loudest clap of thunder yet echoed overhead.

"'Kashi!"

The Copy-ninja was back to his room in a heartbeat, first aid kit in hand. Iruka had curled up on the bed, and had Pakkun clutched to him like he was a stuffed child's toy. Considering Iruka normally treated the dog as an equal ninja more than an animal, it spoke volumes of how desperately he needed comfort.

The fact that Pakkun was limply allowing it instead of struggling, al bidet with a scowl on his little pug face, said a lot about how much he actually liked the chuunin.

Kakashi rushed to the bedside, putting down the kit and gently pulling Iruka up to sit in his lap. "Hush now, it's alright. You're safe here, the storm won't get you."

Slowly, Iruka nodded and released his hold on Pakkun. The dog jumped to the floor with a slight huff, but said nothing about it.

Grabbing the first aid kit and his flashlight, Kakashi pulled them both all the way up on to the bed so that Iruka was leaning against the pillows, and Kakashi was kneeling- straddling his hips. He might have found it arousing if Iruka weren't looking at him in such a terrified way. The scared rabbit look was definitely a turn off.

Kakashi flipped on his light, laying it on the bed so he could still see but it wouldn't shine in either of their eyes. "There now, pretty baby, see? You're alright."

"I'm sorry," Iruka whispered, looking to the side instead of at Kakashi's face. "It's stupid, to be so afraid."

Kakashi carefully pulled out a cotton ball and dabbed a little alcohol on it. Iruka hissed as the stinging liquid was applied to the cut, but didn't do anything more. "What happened? To make you so afraid?"

Iruka didn't speak until Kakashi had finished cleaning the blood off his face and neck and had begun pulling out a bandage. "It was raining the night we fled from Mist."

Kakashi nodded silently, pretending not to notice how Iruka clutched the Jounin's right hand painfully tight at the next lightening flash. "It wasn't a clean escape, was it?"

"No. We were just about to leave when the Mist ANBU showed up. They burnt our house, and we barely managed to escape that. We were running through the forest when we heard thunder, and the rain began pouring."

Kakashi watched as Iruka shivered- his eyes strangely unfocused and distant.

"My little brother slipped in the mud, dragging me with him so we got separated from our parents."

Kakashi nodded again, remembering how Iruka had once told him he'd had a little brother that Naruto reminded him a lot of. It was part of the reason he cared for the boy so much.

"We called out for them, but they hear us over the noise of the storm, and it was too dark for us to see. The Mist ANBU caught us first."

Iruka was trembling violently now, his grip on Kakashi's hand so tight he couldn't feel his fingers anymore.

"They killed my brother. Lightening flashed and I saw his blood on their weapons and illuminated by the light, mixing with the raindrops and falling all over me. White glowing faces in the dark all around me. That was all I could see. All I could hear was their laughter and the thunder. Blank death faces in the rain, and fire across my face."

Lightening illuminated the room, overpowering the small flashlight, followed immediately by a roar of thunder. Iruka pulled himself up to bury his face in Kakashi's shirt, and the Jounin didn't struggle.

He couldn't really blame Iruka for being so afraid if he still saw the death masks every time it stormed.

If he relived the death of his little brother and getting his scar with every clap of thunder, then being shaken up was alright.

He heard Pakkun leaving the room, giving the two of them privacy, and decided maybe the summon would live to see another day. Kakashi rolled over so he could lie beside his lover, pulling him tight against his chest with one arm while the other unbound the chuunin's hair. "It's okay, Iruka, I'm here. You're alright, and I promise I'll protect you through any storm?"

Iruka tilted his head so it was tucked under Kakashi's chin, closing his eyes and just allowing himself to be held. "You promise you won't leave me?"

Kakashi rubbed his cheek against Iruka's soft hair, watching the rain slide down his window as if challenging it to get any closer to his Iruka. "I promise."


	4. Betrayal

**A/N:** I couldn't bring myself to make this sad. I just…I can't do sad KakaIru. I don't want them to hurt. I just can't do it. They're lives have been hard enough and I just…I can't. This is going to make my Pieces sequel very difficult for me, but whatever.

So, anyway, I've twisted this innately sad theme for my own purposes and made it much funnier.

**Warning:** Um…slightly one sided NaruIru, but it is NOT to be taken seriously. Serious NaruIru makes me ill. This is more like…the little kid crush that everyone has on their teacher at some point or other. Please, please, please, don't take it seriously.

_77. Betrayal_

"Iruka-sensei! How could you?"

Iruka looked up as the boy in front of him slammed his hands down on the teacher's desk, matching his yell. The brunette could only blink in confusion at the tearful blue eyes before him. "Naruto? What's the matter?"

The blond boy looked back at him tearfully, rubbing furiously at his wet cheeks with the back of his hand. "Don't pretend like you don't know, Iruka-sensei!"

The chuunin could only stare, and pulled a handkerchief out of one of his vest pockets that he kept there for students with runny noses (incidentally, it was also quite useful as a gag on missions). He offered it to the whiskered boy, but his hand was shoved roughly away.

Iruka sighed, laying the piece of cloth on his lap and trying to keep the eye contact with the boy. "Naruto, I really have no idea what has you so upset. Why won't you tell me?"

Naruto hiccupped, trying to look tough and manly while doing so. The result was mostly that he just looked like a kicked puppy. "How could you not know, Iruka-sensei? I thought I made it obvious! I was going to become Hokage and take care of you!"

Iruka was sure that if he were a manga character, now would be the perfect time for the question mark background, because he felt that confused. "Take care of me?"

Naruto nodded, sniffing pathetically. "I wanted to take care of you, Iruka-sensei! I had it all planned out, but now HE'S gone and messed everything up!"

Iruka sighed and rubbed his temples, feeling a headache approaching. "What has Sasuke done this time, and what does it have to do with taking care of me?"

"Not Sasuke! Kakashi-sensei!"

Iruka opened his eyes to resume staring at the boy. "Kakashi-san?"

"Don't pretend, Iruka-sensei! It'll only make things worse!"

Iruka knew his mouth was hanging open slightly, but couldn't quite bring himself to care. This was all getting to be a bit too much for his tired brain after looking after a large group of hyper-active eight-year-old's on three hours of sleep. "Naruto, what are you talking about?"

"Kakashi-pervert-bastard has stolen you from me!"

"Don't call him that!"

"See! He's turned you against me already!"

Iruka let out another long exasperated sigh as he closed his eyes, resisting the urge to beat his forehead with the flat of his palm. "Naruto, you shouldn't talk about your sensei like that."

"You mean I shouldn't talk about your boyfriend like that!"

Iruka's eyes snapped open and he froze, every muscle in his body tensed, as he looked up at the furious boy in front of him.

"Naruto…You…I…Kakashi and I…"

"I saw you!" Naruto cried, pointing his finger accusingly at the still seated teacher. "I saw your picture in his book! You were holding hands and everything!"

Iruka made a mental note to hit Kakashi over the head with his special edition of Icha Icha volume one for using a picture of the two of them together for a bookmark- although it admittedly could have been worse. Kakashi certainly had dirtier pictures of him than that.

He could feel his face getting red at that thought, so he chose not to think about it and instead focus on the obviously distraught boy in front of him. "Yes, Naruto, Kakashi-sensei and I have been seeing each other for some time now."

"But, Iruka-sensei, that's not fair. I thought I mattered to you."

"Naruto…of course you do." Iruka smiled at the boy, doing his best to be reassuring. "You'll always be special to me."

"But you're with Kakashi-sensei! You can't love us both!"

"Why not?"

"Because that's cheating!"

"Cheating?" Iruka frowned, terribly puzzled. "Naruto, it's only cheating if…"

"I was going to take care of you forever and ever, Iruka-sensei, but you've chosen that pervert over me! It's not fair!"

The obvious answer that had been trying to get his attention kicked Iruka in the head right then, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing outright. He took a second to compose himself so he wouldn't hurt the boy's already damaged feelings before he could bring himself to ask. "Naruto, do you…do you have a crush on me?"

"It's not a crush," the twelve-year-old said, stamping his foot. "I really wanted to look after you, and take care of you, and make sure you're always happy. A Hokage can do that better than anybody, and Kakashi-sensei is never going to be Hokage!"

While he had to agree with that last statement, this whole conversation felt very surreal over all. Yes, he'd had students have crushes on him before- both boys and girls. They tended to latch on to a person showing them kindness outside of their family. But this was Naruto, and the fact that he cared for the boy as more than just another student made the situation different. He did love Naruto- but in a completely platonic brotherly way.

He was willing to bet that that was how Naruto cared for him too, and he just didn't know the difference quite yet.

"Naruto, I thought you loved Sakura-chan?"

"I do, but it's not…she doesn't love me. But you love me, don't you Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka stood and pulled the boy in to a hug. "Naruto…you're a very important person to me. But I'm afraid I just can't love you the same way?"

"Why not? I know I'm a boy, but so is Kakashi-sensei so it doesn't matter, does it?"

Iruka momentarily thought about explaining that Naruto was boy while Kakashi was a MAN but thought that would probably end badly and he didn't want to go there just yet with Naruto if he could help it.

Instead, he ruffled the boy's blonde hair and smiled. "Well, for one thing I'm way too old for you. For another, you're like a little brother to me. I just can't love you like that. My heart belongs to Kakashi. But I'll always care for you. I promise."

Naruto sniffled, rubbing his face against the chuunin's chest. "I just…I don't want to lose you. And you're way too good for Kakashi-sensei."

Iruka laughed and gave the boy one last squeeze before letting him go. "I'm not going anywhere, Naruto. Really. I'll be here when you find that someone who really can love you back. And I'll be sure to tease you about it terribly."

"Aw, Iruka-sensei! Don't."

"Come on. I'll treat you to ramen in advance to make up for all the teasing you're going to have to go through."

"Yes! I mean no! I mean…Yes, yes let's go to Ramen and forget the rest of it!"

Iruka laughed, gathering up his papers, as Naruto ran out the door.


	5. Lies: Part I

**A/N:** I'm an idea klepto, I must admit. This one was inspired by Naruto's end speech at the end of the second chapter of 'Quarantine' by HikariOmoi. You should read all the story, but that speech in particular was on the far-side of awesome.

This has been divided into (for the moment) two parts because it was getting to be way too long.

_95. Lies (Part I)_

It started because Anko and Kurenai were determined that Kakashi needed a girlfriend, and they were trying to convince him to go on a blind date.

Aside from the fact that Kakashi didn't feel any desire to have a girlfriend- or any attachment to anyone really- he was particularly against blind dates. That was how he and GUY had met, after all, and he only needed one slightly-off-balance-but-mostly-harmless eternal rival thank you very much.

But between the two Kunoichi, who seemed to know an almost scary amount about him and his personal life, and the almost-help from Asuma (traitorous bastard), he was quickly running out of excuses. They'd already shot down the laundry, feeding the cat, feeding the neighbor's cat, and helping little old lady excuses without even breaking a sweat.

"Come on, Kakashi…"

"Anko, I've told you, I can't."

"Well why not?"

"Because…" It was in this hour of desperate need that he got to the front of the cue to hand in mission reports, and saw Iruka smile at him. Now, Iruka smiled at everyone, but if he could twist it he might have something to work with. "Because I'm dating Iruka-sensei!"

He hadn't meant for it to come out like that, and he internally winced. This was going to take some managing and lying through his teeth.

"Kakashi-sensei!" He heard Iruka yelp, and turned to look at him- to plead with him with his eyes to just play along for a little while. To his surprise, Iruka actually looked disappointed. Except for the small ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "You promised you wouldn't tell anybody yet."

Everyone was shocked by this response, no one more than Kakashi himself, but he recovered almost on instinct.

"I'm sorry, Iruka-kun, but they won't stop hounding me about going on a date with someone. I was out of reasons, and only the truth would satisfy them."

Iruka scowled, just the tiniest bit, at the use of 'kun' but said nothing, and Kakashi breathed a mental sigh of relief.

"Iruka you…you're dating…Kakashi? And you didn't tell me?" Anko looked hurt, which was quite impressive, but Iruka didn't seem phased.

"So you could tell everyone and their summons? Not a chance, Anko."

The terrible twosome left Kakashi alone after that, seeming to take Iruka at his word. Kakashi found himself hanging around in the mission office; getting caught up on the news by Genma, until Iruka's shift was done. He grinned at the chuunin, scratching his neck apologetically.

"Sorry about using you like that, Iruka-sensei. I really was out of ideas, and that was the first thing that came in to my head when I saw you smile at me."

Iruka shrugged, carefully balancing a stack of paperwork in his arms. "Don't mention it. I heard them pestering you when you guys first came in. I know first hand how awful some of the girls they set people up with can be, and figured I should help a fellow shinobi in need."

Kakashi had laughed then, thanking Iruka once more for going along with it before walking away, and quickly putting the incident behind him.

The Jounin forgot it completely, in fact, until nearly a month later when he was out drinking. More specifically, he was watching everyone else he knew get stone drunk and laughing at them secretly while he drank water at lightening speed.

The only other person in the bar that didn't seem interested in forgetting his own name was Iruka. The man looked like he'd been forced there by some colleagues, and was attempting to grade essays in the dim light while being tormented by Genma and sipping a virgin strawberry daiquiri.

Seeing how Iruka was blushing, Kakashi moved in so he could hear.

"…it'll be great fun, 'Ruka! You, me, and Raidou, altogether."

"I told you, Genma, I'm not interest in a threesome with you, or anybody else for that matter."

Kakashi made a face no one could really see. He may read porn, but the idea of actually trying to be intimate with more than one person at a time was not really appealing.

"Why not? S'not like you have a girlfriend to be loyal to or anything." Genma took another swig of whatever he was drinking, somehow managing to drink and swallow with the senbon still in his mouth, before he spoke rather thoughtfully. "You know what I bet. I bet you're still a virgin, 'Ruka-sensei."

"What?" Iruka squawked, his voice going shrill. He looked embarrassed, and switched to a hissing whisper. "Genma, I am not."

"Oh, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Iruka-kun, if you haven't become a man…"

"Shut UP, Genma! I'll have you know that I have a bed partner and I don't feel like sharing, that's all."

Genma's ears perked up at that, looking intrigued at the gossip potential. "Oh, really? Who? You have to tell me."

Iruka looked in Kakashi's direction, shooting him a desperate look, but said without hesitation. "Hatake Kakashi."

Kakashi momentarily choked on air as Genma's eyes grew round.

"You and…and Kakashi?"

"Of course, is something wrong with that?" Iruka was looking at him pleadingly again, and Kakashi found himself remembering how Iruka had put his reputation on the line for him before. One good turn…

"Well, Kakashi's a Jounin and you…"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Genma," Kakashi walked over, putting his hands on Iruka's shoulders in feigned support and leaned forward so he could narrow his eye menacingly at the special Jounin. "What are you doing to upset my Iruka?"

Genma looked visibly startled, and muttered a quick excuse before fleeing. Iruka sighed in relief, and Kakashi opted to take the seat Genma had just vacated.

"I don't know why he thinks my private life is any of his business," the chuunin muttered, marking a paper particularly viciously with his blue pen.

"We're ninja," Kakashi explained cheerfully. "We think everything is our business."

Iruka chuckled. "Thanks for that. Now everyone is going to think you're sleeping with a lowly chuunin."

"You're not lowly, and anyway, it's better than sleeping with another Jounin if you ask me. We're a messed up bunch; I wouldn't want to see us in pairs."

Iruka smiled at him appreciatively, taking a sip of his drink. "You know, we've pretty much sealed our doom. Between Anko and Genma, everyone in the village is going to know we're going out. Or think they know we're going out."

Kakashi frowned. He had a point.

"But, maybe it's not such a bad thing," Iruka continued thoughtfully. "I don't really want a relationship, and I'm guessing neither do you."

Kakashi nodded in agreement. "Relationships are more trouble than they're worth."

"As long as we're in agreement that this is just pretend, I think we can use this as a permanent excuse to get everyone off our backs."

The Jounin liked the sound of this and said so, causing the chuunin's grin to broaden further.

"All we need to do is make sure that no one catches on that we're lying."

"How are we going to do that?"

"Make up a back-story, of course," Iruka explained patiently. "You read romance novels. You know that everyone has to have first time they met, first kiss, first date, first time you slept together stories. We need to make sure ours match when Anko and Genma decide to ask."

"They aren't romance, they're erotica," Kakashi pouted. Iruka ignored him.

"So, do you have any ideas for our first meeting?"

"Why not the truth? When you came to confront me on failing Naruto only to find out I passed him?"

Iruka rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah, but that's not romantic. Isn't it supposed to be?"

Kakashi stared at him lazily. "I don't know. I think so."

"It probably should be, just to err on the side of caution." The brunette chuunin frowned, nibbling on the cap of his pen with his top teeth, obviously deep in thought. "Do you like hot springs, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes," the Copy-ninja grinned a little. "And if we're dating, shouldn't it be just 'Kakashi'?"

Iruka blushed, looking down at the tabletop and muttered something that sounded like 'I didn't think about that' before looking up again. "Alright, so we met at the hot springs."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Well, there has to be an and! I wouldn't date just any guy I saw at the hot springs."

"Why don't you come up with your own and then?"

"Because the stories need to match! Besides, would you date just any guy you saw in a mask at the hot springs?"

"You even wear your mask at the…" Iruka smacked his forehead. "Of course! Everyone is going to be bothering me to know what your face looks like."

"So tell them it's a plain face, nothing really special about it."

"No one will believe me if I say that."

"Why not? It's the truth."

Iruka stared at him for several long minutes and Kakashi shifted uncomfortably. "Um…I promise it's the truth?"

Iruka shrugged, sticking the pen partway pack in his mouth again. "Alright, so while we were at the hot springs we obviously had to talk for some reason…"

"Maybe I saw you with your hair down and had to apologize because I thought I'd walked in to the woman's bath by mistake?"

Iruka shot him a glare that would have sent Ibiki crying for his mother. "Aren't. You. Precious."

Kakashi gulped quietly. "I was only kidding…"

"Right. So, we could use one when you were bested by a bar of soap that you slipped on and you fell in my lap? It could even be special ANBU level soap if you'd like."

Kakashi's eye narrowed and he opened his mouth to protest, but then thought better of it. If Anko was to be believed, and you could usually trust her to be right for all her gossiping, Iruka knew ways to make his life miserable. If all Iruka wanted to do was embarrass him a little by saying he'd slipped on a bar of soap, he should consider himself lucky. "Yeah, we can go with that."

Iruka looked at him in surprise. "Really?"

"Sure. As long as I can claim I did it on purpose because I thought you were attractive."

Kakashi watched, somewhat amused, as a tinge of red spread across the chuunin's cheeks.

"You can't say that!"

"Why not?"

"Because people will think you li-" Iruka stopped, realizing his mistake as Kakashi grinned at him. "Oh. Right. Okay, you can say that if you want to."

"Thanks."

Iruka took a deep breath, calming himself down. "Okay, so we met at the hot springs when you slipped and fell in my lap."

"And I started flirting with you…"

"To try and decrease your embarrassment…"

"And I ended up asking you out."

The chuunin smiled at him, obviously amused. "That should satisfy them, don't you think?"

"I like it."

"Alright, so our first date was…"

"Something neutral. I vote nothing special. Dinner and a movie."

"Okay, but how did you impress me?"

"Impress you?"

"Well, sure. I wouldn't have gone on a second date with you if you didn't impress me the first time."

Kakashi frowned, deep in thought. "How about I told you good stories? I can tell you some pretty funny stories about my team…and the other Jounin. I've got a few really good ones that I'm the only one that was sober enough to remember."

Iruka laughed, and Kakashi couldn't help but grin at the infectious sound. "Alright, that sounds fair- so long as I get to really hear a few."

"Deal."

"Great. First kiss?"

Kakashi frowned. They'd have to have actual details for this one. "How about after the third date?"

"Fifth date."

"Why so long?"

"Because I don't want to look like I'm easy."

"You look like a prude this way."

"I like that better."

"Suite yourself."

"And I want to start it."

"What?"

"So far you've taken the incentive in this relationship. I want to start something. It's only fair." Iruka looked away, watching Izumo and Kotetsu as they burst out in a terribly off-key rendition of 'If I Were a Jounin'.

"Well, how did you get my mask off?"

"It's not like it's glued to your face. I could just pull it down."

"And I'm just going to let you?"

"Well, yeah," Iruka was looking at him again, and his brown eyes flashed dangerously. "Wouldn't you want to kiss me? Or me to kiss you?"

"Of course I would," Kakashi said hastily. "I already said you're attract-"

He stopped, and Iruka stared at him as an awkward silence stretched between them. Kakashi shifted again; glad that the mask could hide his blush. Yes, he thought Iruka was attractive- his darker coloring gave him a powerful exotic look that the Copy-nin liked- but he never had any intention of acting on that attraction. He found a lot of people attractive. It didn't make Iruka special.

But most of the people he found attractive he wasn't planning and elaborately false relationship with.

Iruka took another long draft of his drink, and then frowned at it like it had done something wrong. Kakashi could almost hear the chuunin thinking 'Why is there no alcohol? I'm not drunk enough for this' and he shifted again.

Iruka was still frowning at his half-empty glass as he spoke. "What kind of toothpaste do you use?"

Kakashi blinked at him. "Pardon?"

"The first thing Anko will want to know is what you taste like. What kind of toothpaste do you use?"

"Lemon."

Iruka looked up at him, one eyebrow raised. "Interesting choice."

Kakashi shrugged noncommittally. "You?"

"Vanilla mint."

"I would have guessed that."

"I wouldn't have thought lemon."

"What would you have guessed?"

"Spearmint."

"I used to use that. Then Guy came up with a tooth brushing contest. I got so sick of the flavor I had to switch."

Iruka rewarded him with a smile, and finally put down his glass. "And now, because Genma will want to know…"

"With details."

"Right."

They stared at each other for a long moment.

"You can start this one too if you'd like, Iruka."

"I honestly don't think I'd have the courage to start anything. Even if I did, no one would believe you."

"By that logic, then, you also have to be the uke in this relationship."

He could see Iruka bristling from across the table. "I am NOT submissive."

Kakashi held up his hands in a defensive position. "I didn't say you were. I was just saying your logic would allow for it."

Iruka relaxed slightly. "That is something we need to address, though. I'm not an uke."

"Well, neither am I." Kakashi scowled, resisting the urge to fold his arms across his chest like a petulant child.

"We," the blush was slowly creeping across the younger man's face again, "we could take turns…"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, and Iruka's blush deepened as he rushed to explain.

"I don't mean like I'm top Monday, Wednesday, and Friday while you get the rest of the week. I mean, we could say it just…depends…on what feels right at the time."

Kakashi tried, with partial success, to keep the leer out of his voice. "Are you suggesting an equal relationship?"

Iruka looked uncomfortable, but his voice was firm. "Yes. I am."

"Alright then."

"Where?"

"How about my bed? The sheets are blue, if Anko asks."

Iruka nodded slowly. "That sounds good. Do you have things you…uh…like to do or…spots I should know about?"

Kakashi reflected that this was the most awkward conversation he'd ever had. "I don't like kinky things, if that's what you mean. Too many missions for that. As for sensitive spots I…ah…I have a few scars on my chest and stomach that are especially sensitive. That's it, really."

Iruka drained his glass and stood. "That should be enough for Genma. Lets see if we can pull this off, shall we?"

"Now, wait a minute! I get to ask you the same questions."

"I…" Iruka stared fixedly at his papers as he gathered them. "What ever you make up for me is fine. I don't actually know the answers."

"So, you really are a virgin?" Kakashi asked, obviously surprised.

There was a smile on Iruka's face as he looked at the Jounin, but his eyes were cold. "That depends on your definition." And then he was gone.


	6. Touch

**A/N:** I've always meant to do a full long story based on this idea, but I really doubt I'll ever get around to it. This scene, though, I felt was too great to go completely to waste. So, look, a convenient story line for my Slash 100. Whee!

…Yes, the poison is supposed to be the Naruto world equivalent to HIV.

**Additional Disclaimer:** This was partly inspired by Rent, and written while listening to it. So, if it seems influenced that way, that's why.

_028. Touch_

Iruka ran his hands under the warm water, watching idly as the white bubbles swirled around the gaping drain his sink. They were spinning with no control until they reached the inevitable end and disappeared.

The thought was close enough to his own life that Iruka shuddered.

His last mission had gone well enough, when you looked at it on paper. He'd successfully disposed of his target and gotten the documents he'd been sent for, returning in a timely fashion. It would get a mission completed stamp on it.

What would go over looked by the chuunin at the desk who would file it away would be the report of Iruka being poisoned, and the cure unable to be found. It was a poison unique to the country he'd been traveling in. The poison itself would not kill him, but instead would destroy his immune system, and something as simple as a cold or an infected paper cut would be his undoing.

Tsunade could do nothing to fix it, only slow down the inevitable, and give him more time. In the end, though, it wouldn't matter. He would die from this.

Worse than that, though, was how contagious the poison was. It lived in his blood, and if anyone somehow got any of his body-fluids inside themselves, it would get them too.

For the most part, this wasn't a problem, but…Kakashi. All the things they'd been in the past, it was over now. They could never be like that again. There would always have to be a barrier between them, be it skin or something else.

Iruka could feel that familiar clenching in his chest at the thought of how this must be affecting his lover, but he looked up at the mirror with dry eyes.

Kakashi was going to have to watch him die. There was nothing the Jounin could do; no way he could fight this.

It was completely unfair, and Iruka had tried several times since Tsunade's diagnosis when he'd returned, two weeks ago, to push Kakashi out of his life. To let his beloved Kakashi go so he wouldn't have to have any more pain in his life.

Every time he'd tried, the words had gotten caught by this familiar ache in his chest—the kind that could be cried out if he had the tears to cry.

All his tears seemed to have disappeared after Tsunade had promised him that his name would go on the stone, regardless of the fact that he would be going on no more missions.

He looked up at the mirror, his brown eyes seeking out those in his reflection. He could see in them the same confusion and anger now burning in his stomach. The same hatred he felt as he thought that Kakashi would still be coming back to him.

'You always said you'd do anything to help him,' Iruka heard his own voice mock in his head. 'You said you loved him. You don't, or you'd let him go now. Spare him your weakness, because you failed as a shinobi. It is you're punishment, and you're too scared to even face it alone, like you deserve.'

As the brown eyes continued to stare at him, to judge him for being such a weak shinobi he couldn't let go of a loved one, Iruka lost all control of his already raw emotions. He needed to make the voice stop, make those eyes stop staring. Furious, he did the only thing he could think to do. He punched them.

The glass shattered instantly under his chakara filled fist, with pieces of the mirror clawing into his skin in retaliation. He didn't care, but continued to mercilessly pound the mirror with first his fists and then just hitting it with his palms until both his hands were raw and bleeding and all that was left of the mirror was a handful of shards on the ground.

Only then, it seemed, was he able to cry. The tears started falling with the last piece of glass, breaking against the ground with it. Once started, they didn't stop. He sunk to the ground, his hands leaving twin bloody trails along the white tile on the wall, as his body shook with uncontrollable sobs.

The front door opened and shut again. "Iruka, you home?"

Kakashi. He couldn't let Kakashi see him like this. Couldn't let his lover see how weak he was. Iruka tried to stifle his sobs, but it seemed the harder he tried to control them the louder they got.

"Iruka? Are you alright?" Kakashi was getting closer now.

He feebly tried to hide his bleeding hands under his arms, smearing blood on his white shirt. "D-don't…"

Too late. He heard the Jounin freeze in the doorway, seeming unable to comprehend what he was seeing, before he darted into the small space with a curse and crunch of glass. He knelt by his lover's side.

"What happened, Iruka?"

Honestly, he couldn't say even if he wanted to. How was he supposed to explain to Kakashi how badly he wanted to let him go, to spare him the pain, but selfishly couldn't do it. Because he was frightened of facing this all alone.

The Jounin grabbed Iruka's upper arms in a gentle but firm grip, pulling his shredded hands into view. He cursed, seeing the damage that had been done, and reached to remove the glass.

Iruka jerked his hands back in a near panic. "Don't touch it! If it gets in you'll die! Don't touch it; don't touch me, Kakashi, please!"

The pain he saw in Kakashi's visible eye was enough to cause the pent up tears to fall faster, breaking against the ground with a tiny splash when they hit. As he'd thought, the crying had unleashed the words that had gotten caught in his chest, and they came tumbling out to break as well.

"Please, Kakashi, leave me alone. I'm going to die, we both know that, and I don't want you to suffer for my mistakes! I couldn't stand if…if you got sick…if…"

Kakashi watched him in silence for a while before getting to his feet and heading towards the door.

Iruka's hands slid along the floor, leaving crimson trails, as he tried to hold onto something to keep him from reaching out for the man he loved as he walked out the door. The chuunin squeezed his eyes shut, grinding his teeth together to try and keep the agonized sobs inside.

He'd done it, and so what if Kakashi had been so ready to walk out on him. It was better this way. It was…

More crunching of glass, and soft fabric on his face. Iruka snapped his eyes open to find Kakashi, now maskless and with his Sharingan uncovered—but with his ANBU gloves on—kneeling in front of him again.

The Jounin sought out his lover's eyes with both his own, holding his gaze and refusing to let him look away. "I will not abandon you. There's no one in the world that deserves this less than you do, and if you think I'm going to leave you to suffer alone…"

Iruka tried to protest, but the gloved hand placed firmly over his mouth to try and calm his erratic breathing prevented more than a muffled strangled sob from escaping.

Kakashi removed his hand from Iruka's mouth, and used it to brush the bangs hanging in Iruka's face away. The older man's mismatched eyes were so soft, sad, and filled with pain that a fresh wave of tears found their way into an existence with a shaky sob that tore Iruka's raw throat.

"I know you want to push me away," Kakashi whispered, using his gloved thumb to wipe away some of the tears, "and I know why. But please, 'Ruka, don't. I can't bear to see you hurting so badly. Don't make me just sit back and watch you suffer."

"You can't help me," Iruka's voice was bitter as he finally looked away from his lover's eyes, pretending to himself that his blurry vision is what caused him to think he saw tears in both of Kakashi's eyes. "This is something we can't fight."

"We can try. Iruka, it's not like you to just give up. Please don't start now."

"Why not?" He didn't fight it as Kakashi pulled him close to his chest, and simply tried to resist the urge to cling to him with his sliced up hands. "Tsunade said I could have as little as weeks…"

"And that you could have as much as years. In either case, do you want to spend however long you have left in a state of misery? Do you think _**I**_ want you to suffer like that? Wouldn't it be so much better to hold on a fight for the happy moments you can have?"

Iruka laughed, a wet almost sob like sound. "I don't want you to suffer because of me."

"I won't, as long as you let me stay beside you. I know it will be hard. I know it's going to hurt when you…" Iruka could feel it as Kakashi's voice caught in his throat, and the Jounin swallowed hard. "But I would rather be beside you, suffering with you, than forced away and suffering all the more because I can't be where I belong."

The brunette was clinging to Kakashi now, ignoring the pain in his mutilated hands. "I'm scared, 'Kashi. Scared of accidentally causing you to suffer the same fate because I was stupid, careless…like today. Scared of leaving you, and Naruto, and everyone I care about. Scared of what's going to happen when I…when I die."

Kakashi's chest stilled under his face for a moment as the Jounin inhaled sharply at the word, before slowly letting it out. One of his gloved hands found its way up to rest on the back of Iruka's head, holding him in place as the Jounin rested his bare chin on his beloved's head and lead him sob into his chest.

"I'm scared too, 'Ruka."

Surprised, the chuunin jerked back to stare up into his lover's face. He could not deny the twin tracks of tears slowly sliding down the pale cheeks.

"I would die to protect you, and it scares me that I can. Do. Nothing." Kakashi clenched his fists on his lap and his eyes shut tight as more tears fell. "I'm scared of going on without you there to help me when it's all too much. Scared that I won't be able to go back to how I used to be now that you've taught me how to really live."

Those eyes opened again, and Iruka found himself captivated by the whirling spirals in the crimson orb, and the deep raw pain in the dark blue.

Kakashi's voice was even as he spoke, no matter how fast the tears fell down his bare face. "But I would suffer this a thousand times over rather than never have you. Never," the Jounin reached out his gloved hand, running it over the side of Iruka's face, "never touch you again…never hold you…I couldn't do that. Not now that I have you. I'm not going to let you go, ever. You'll always live with me."

Iruka was going to ask, anger rising like bile in his throat, how that was even possible when Kakashi carefully grabbed the chuunin's wrist and pulled the bloodied hand up to his chest and rested it over the Jounin's own racing heart.

"As long as this still exists, I promise you that I will not forget you and everything you mean to me. You've changed me…so much…Ru-my-ru. And the Gods themselves will not be able to take that from me."

Iruka closed his eyes, resting his head so his ear was against Kakashi's chest, the steady rhythm soothing for the moment the fears that were tearing his soul apart. "And I will never leave from right here, no matter what happens. I promise."


	7. Break Up

**A/N:** Inspired by the songs 'Go With Her' by Toby Keith and 'Lets Be Us Again' by Lonestar. Excellent songs. You should all listen to them! Also inspired by Nayru for her story 'The Right Way' and it's chapter of just after the Chuunin exams. So, this is for her!

I actually wrote this short little piece ages ago, but apparently forgot to post it here. Whoops.

_93. Break-up_

Iruka looked at the Jounin lounging on his couch, and couldn't stop himself from twitching ever so slightly. "Kakashi-san, what are you doing in my apartment?"

"Maa, Iruka, you said I could stop by whenever I wanted to."

Iruka growled, dropping his bag of scrolls by the door and kicking off his sandals. "That was before I learned what a bastard you could be and _**broke-up with you**_. Or did you conveniently forget that? Again."

"Oh, I didn't forget! I'm just not letting you do it."

The brunette chuunin made a noise that was part growl, part indignant squawk. He wanted to throw a weapon at the other man, but the sharp pain in his shoulder, a reminder of yesterday when he'd also found the Jounin in his apartment, told him it was a bad idea to try it again.

In fact, coming home and finding Kakashi sitting more than comfortably on his couch had been happening to Iruka ever since they day of the Chuunin exams. He'd told Kakashi that if he was going to treat him like that, humiliate him in front of their colleagues than he wanted nothing to do with the Copy-nin. And it had hurt; because he was really starting to get attached to the man he'd been dating for four months, but he'd managed to kick the bewildered Jounin out.

Only to have to do it again the next day, and again the day after that, and everyday for more than two months now. It still hurt every time, too.

Iruka sighed, slumping down in his chair and putting a hand over his eyes. "You live to make my life miserable, don't you?"

"Not exactly."

"Then why are you still here? I told you, Kakashi-san, we're done. I won't be your…your play thing. Something to use only when it's convenient for you."

Kakashi sat up, a frown crossing his masked face. "Is that what you think?"

"Think? Think! Kakashi…san…I KNOW it. You treated me like a child that had spoken out of turn or a misbehaving puppy. Certainly not like your peer or your…your…"

"I believe lover is the word you're looking for."

Iruka snorted. "I was thinking boyfriend, but lover works just as well. You certainly didn't afford me that much respect either."

Kakashi sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Look, I'll admit I could have handled that situation better. I was upset that you were calling me out in front of everyone."

"I wasn't even talking directly to you! Asuma and Kurenai were just as included as you were. But they didn't feel the need to humiliate me!"

"Yes, you've made it quite clear that's what I did. But that wasn't…"

"Why are you really here?" Iruka demanded, finally lifting his hand to look at the other man. "What is it you want? Because I'm tired of this. I'm tired of going through this every day. I just, I can't take it anymore, Kakashi. It hurts too much."

The Jounin looked at him sadly before slowly putting away his book. "I've been trying to tell you. I'm sorry."

Iruka blinked at him, surprised. "You're what?"

"I'm sorry. I never meant to treat you like that. It was wrong, and I'm sorry."

"You…"

"And the reason I've been here every day? Because I can't let you go. I don't want to; not over something stupid like that. I care about you too much, and I won't let you leave me. I need you. I'll do anything to make it up to you, 'Ruka. And if it hurts you to have me here, then I'll leave. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. But if you can stand me, even a little bit, please don't make me go."

"It's not having you here that hurts, Kakashi," Iruka sighed, burying his face in his hands again. "It's making you leave when I just want you to stay. But I can't stay in a relationship where I know the other person can hurt me without a second thought. I just can't."

Kakashi knelt in front of him, taking Iruka's hands in his own. "I didn't realize it would hurt you. That was stupid, and I should have thought but I didn't. If I would have realized, I wouldn't have said those things." The Jounin stood up and placed a gentle, cloth-covered kiss on Iruka's forehead. "If you change your mind, I'll still be here."

With one last surprisingly gentle squeeze of Iruka's fingertips, the Jounin turned and walked out the door.


	8. Not Enough

**A/N:** I lost my kitten. I'm angsting. My fans benefit. Ironic. Inspired by the Sugarland song "Joey" from "Love on the Inside". It's a brilliant song, I recommend it. Also, same universe as Touch. Read that first.

I've gotten in to a habit of slightly more artistic one-shots lately. You guys should tell me whether or not you like it better.

_034. Not Enough_

All the sound in the world had frozen in place. Even the raindrops breaking against his window were muffled by the too loud silence.

She put the mug on the table, a lifeless thud of porcelain on wood, before moving to stand beside him. "You should drink something."

"You took away my drinks." He didn't look at her, but continued to stare out into the mist that had muted all the colors in the world.

"I have hot chocolate. You can drink that. But no more alcohol. Not today." She brushed the hair back from her face, collapsing bonelessly into the chair beside him. "This is too much, you know. You're scaring people."

Too much. "What do they expect me to do?" He raised one long finger, drawing idle spirals in the mist his breath created against the window. "What's the right way to act, Anko? Pretend it didn't happen? Get over it? It hasn't been long enough. It's not a picnic destroyed by bad weather."

Anko followed his gaze out to the drizzling rain, frowning slightly. She was muffled too. "I don't think it's quit raining since he got back."

"That's too poetic." A ghost smile, there and gone. "It always rains this time of year. We just usually don't appreciate it. We don't appreciate enough."

Raindrops shattering against the window punctuated each silent sentence between them.

I didn't appreciate enough all that he does.

I never thought this could happen to him. He was too good for something like this to happen.

If I had tried harder to keep him here, would this have happened? If I'd pushed him harder, would he have been able to dodge in time? If I'd said more how much I cared would he have tried harder to come back safe? If I'd pushed harder, if we'd broken up, would it hurt this much? If I'd backed off, didn't love him so much, would it still hurt so much? If I'd gone with him, if I'd tried, if I'd shown interest, if I'd given him pointers, would it have been different?

If, the mantra of the dying drops. If, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if…

"Kakashi," Anko started, and then stopped. She worried her bottom lip a little, averting her eyes to the cooling cup on the table. "I don't know what could have been different. It doesn't matter anyway. You can't change it."

"No," his voice was eerily lifeless, even for him. Dead as his insides. "But you wonder. You always wonder. Because it's easier to blame something, isn't it? Pretend we could have had control."

She didn't nod. She didn't need to. "Sandaime always used to tell me that there were things I could change and things I could not, and I would be truly wise when I knew and accepted the difference. I hated to hear it."

A laugh forced itself out as he exhaled. He wasn't sure what it was mocking; Anko, himself, or the world at large.

Anko stood and trudged over to the mug. She took a sip, seeming to accept that he wouldn't have any. "You're not helping him, sitting here in the dark. He's scared enough anyway."

"I know." And he did. Those eyes, staring at him, lifeless and so far gone out of his reach, as Tsunade explained what had happened were always floating, wraithlike, behind his eyelids. What had Iruka thought when he'd realized what it meant? Had he felt like Kakashi did now, like he was being told about someone else's life instead of his own?

Shouldn't he be feeling more than this? It should be devastating, but it wasn't. It was fact, just like those raindrops.

The mug was placed by his hand on the windowsill. "I don't know what you think you're doing."

Neither do I. "Pretending to be wise, I think. I can't do anything about any of this." All the power in the world, and it was not enough. Who's power? It didn't matter. Nobody had power in the face of death. His mother and father had not. Obito had not. A-ranked missing ninja, genin out of their depth, the lowliest citizen all had to bow to its call. Rin, Yondaime, Sandaime, Asuma, and Jiraiya had all fallen because they did not have power. Tsunade did not; the Copy-nin did not.

One lowly chuunin teacher on an ill-fated mission did not.

"I think it's time for you to stop sulking about it, then." Anko put her hands in the pockets of her coat, holding it a little closer to her body. A shield. "You're going to have to face it sooner or later."

He was facing it, he just couldn't seem to see it. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe it was actually in another direction. "I don't think I can be what he needs me to be. I don't think I can be strong enough for both of us."

Iruka had always been the strong one before. He'd felt, laughed, loved, been enough for both of them. Now he was dying, and Kakashi found that everything about him that he'd thought was strong could not measure up. He was a coward, a weak man hiding behind an illusion of being untouchable. Never had he felt so small, so cold.

Never, the rain changed its song. Never, never, never, never.

"You're going to have to be." She moved toward the door, leaving the mug to fade into coldness by his hand. "You'll have to measure up or break. But you're not the breaking kind, Kakashi. You'll find a way to get through this, help him through this."

The door shut with a loud scrape of wood on wood before the tomb-like silence was restored.

Never, never, never, never, never.


	9. Beginnings

**A/N:** A fun little one shot inspired by Kiterie's drabble "Words". I wanted to play with the chaos too. I'm getting really good at imitating things I like.

_**001 Beginnings (also known as The Best Laid Plans)  
By: Reggie**_

This was the perfect moment. Kakashi was sure of it. He'd been planning for weeks every word, every detail. He'd observed and analyzed, made mental charts of the habits of the room occupants, plotted every outcome from every angle. This moment, this exact instant, was the perfect time to make his move.

Izumo and Kotetsu had taken their break—together, as always. He had this period of fifteen minutes when there would only be himself and his target in the room. Ideal.

He sauntered into the room, every movement deliberately calculated. Hands in pockets, shoulders sloped—make yourself appear unaware and unready, it makes your enemy careless—his visible eye wandering around the room seemingly at random—but always with the target in view so that no movement could go unanticipated. Kakashi smiled with only his hidden mouth as he approached the desk, never faltering. "Working here all alone today, Iruka-sensei?"

The chuunin didn't look from the paper on the desk, but Kakashi saw Iruka's mouth twitch into an almost hesitant smile. "Good afternoon, Kakashi-san. No, my coworkers needed a coffee break, and it's usually slow during this time. They'll be back soon." Iruka finally looked up and grinned at the Jounin directly. "Do you have a mission report for me, Kakashi-san?"

"As always." The paper was removed from his pocket and put soundlessly on the desk. He'd taken this ridiculous C-ranked mission specifically so he could hand this report in at this time on this day.

Iruka pulled it closer and inspected it with a half grin on his face. "Yes, everything seems to be in order here. Excellent work, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi rubbed the knot of his forehead protector in a sheepish manner, to make himself seem more approachable. "Thank you, Iruka-sensei. Maa, I was wondering…"

Kakashi found himself roughly shoved aside by an enthusiastic Inuzuka, the Jounin's carefully planned sentence now horribly interrupted.

The Inuzuka—Kakashi recognized him after a moment as one of Kurenai's students—slammed the paper on the desk forcefully. "We redid it right for sure this time, Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka looked at the paper, thoroughly unimpressed. "That's what you said the last two times, Kiba."

"Yeah, but this time it's for sure! Hinata looked over it for me, and she knows this stuff." Kiba leaned against the desk, arms folded across his chest. "Better than stupid Shino, anyway."

"You will never learn if I do it for you," the other boy muttered as he came in the room, the two females of Team 8 in tow.

Kakashi suppressed a twitch, and sighed slightly as he moved back towards the desk, standing beside Kurenai. "You let your students do the mission reports?" Kakashi wasn't sure Team 7 even knew what mission reports were.

"They need to learn somehow." Kurenai sounded miserable, her eyes rolling up to the ceiling in obvious exasperation. "I didn't think it would take all day to get one done. You'd think that following instructions would be simple."

Iruka pushed the paper back towards the young genin who was half leaning on the desk. "You forgot your names, Kiba."

"What?" The genin jumped, snatching the paper right out of the chuunin's hands.

There was an almost wicked grin on Iruka's face as he watched Kiba scan the paper frantically, before he turned back to Kakashi with a softer expression. "You were saying something, Kakashi-san?"

Yes, he had been. And this wasn't perfect, because now there were people listening. Kakashi weighted his options in a matter of seconds. He could wait for yet another week, and risk more unknown variables, or he could adjust the plan for what he already knew.

"I just wanted to ask you about Dinner," Kakashi said brightly, smiling with his whole face this time so that it couldn't be missed.

Iruka looked surprised, "dinner? What about it?"

"What you were having for it." Deliberately vague, giving just a little, letting the target meet you halfway.

"Nothing that I…" whatever else he'd been going to say was cut off as Kiba slammed the paper on the desk at the same moment the original Ino-Shika-Cho group entered the room, making no effort to keep their entrance a secret from anyone.

"That was the easiest mission we've had in a while," Inochi crowed, leaning over Kiba—the boy was scribbling across sections of the mission report furiously—to hand the report in.

"Maybe for you," Choza muttered, rubbing at his cheek. "If my wife ever finds out, I won't get to eat for a week!"

Inochi laughed, long and loud, making Kakashi's ears ring. "It isn't your fault the target had a fetish for hefty men, Choza! The way she had you pinned to that table, and then pulled out her tongue…"

"Inochi-san!" Iruka interrupted harshly, directing keen brown eyes first at the Jounin, and then at the three genin who were all listening with curiosity evident on their faces. Inochi had the good sense, in Kakashi's opinion, to look sheepish.

"If you're so concerned about your bothersome wife finding out," Shikaku muttered, studying the ceiling with little interest, "you shouldn't talk about it in such public places, Choza."

"Did she try and seduce you, Choza-san?" Kiba asked excitedly, forgetting completely about his report. "What was that like?"

Choza sputtered indignantly, but was spared trying to come up with an answer as the little Hyuuga girl on Kurenai's team, who had been blushing the whole time, suddenly crashed to the floor. Kiba and the father's in the room where the only ones that seemed the least bit concerned about this, so Kakashi decided it was safe to assume she was alright.

He side stepped the now frantically flailing genin and distracted Inochi so that he was once again the center of Iruka's vision. "Do you have plans for dinner this afternoon, Iruka-sensei?"

"I do, I'm afraid," the chuunin looked up with a sad smile, seemingly genuinely apologetic. "I already promised Naruto I'd take him out to celebrate the anniversary of his graduation."

Kakashi blinked a couple of times, completely floored. He had not run this scenario over. He had come up with all kinds of possible answers ranging from enthusiastically agreeing to go with him to being told that Iruka had no interest in men. He had not expected him to already have plans, with Naruto of all people!

"I have a question for you, Kakashi-san." The sadness was gone, just a regular Iruka smile.

Kakashi thought he should have been prepared for the interruption this time, but still found it infinitely annoying that Izumo and Kotetsu chose that time to come back, followed by Guy and his students.

Banging his head against the wall had never sounded so tempting.

Neji broke away from the group almost as soon as he was in the room, knocking Kiba to the ground. "What did you do to Hinata-sama, you incompetent idiot?"

"I didn't do anything!" Kiba protested, pulling himself up to his elbows. "Why do you always blame me, and she's fine!"

It was probably fortunate for the young Inuzuka that the girl chose that moment to have her white eyes flutter open. Seeing that she was the center of attention, the poor girl's face lit up like neon opening sign. "N-Neji-niisan! What are you doing here?"

"We are here to turn in our mission report, Iruka-sensei," Mini-Guy bounced excitedly, offering up his paper. Kakashi couldn't figure out for the life of him why the green-thing had picked Iruka even though Kotetsu and Izumo where sitting there obviously not doing anything. "You will find that we have, in the eagerness of our youth, completed this mission in record time!"

If anything, Iruka looked just as frustrated as Kakashi felt. "Thank you, Lee. I'm sure everything is in order…"

"My eternal rival!" This time, Kakashi's ears did ring. He'd almost forgotten that where ever mini-Guy went… "What are you doing inside on such a blissfully glorious morning?"

"Failing my first mission in a long time," Kakashi couldn't help but deadpan. The look on Guy's face made it almost worth it.

"Surely, you could use my assistance then! For with both of us in our might…"

"No, Guy."

"But."

"No." The only reason he was still here was because Iruka said he had a question, and he was curious now. It couldn't be asking how Naruto was, if he was going out to dinner with him. They must have seen each other recently. He couldn't think of what else it could be.

Kakashi glanced over at where Iruka was now trying to calm a rapidly bouncing Lee, while glaring Kiba and Neji away from each other. Team Seven was still waiting for him, this was going to have to wait.

He moved towards the door, hoping to slip out before further chaos erupted. He'd managed to make it out into the almost silent hall before he heard a voice coming from behind him.

"Kakashi-san?"

He turned around, putting on his best smile for the chuunin. "What can I do for you, Iruka-sensei?"

"I'm free tomorrow night. Would you like to have dinner then?"

As fast as his brain was, it still took Kakashi a while to process this. He had in no way anticipated this direction. He couldn't help but smile. "I would like that very much, Iruka-sensei."


End file.
